Relatively Unscathed

So, the day after I posted that, my period came. I've been feeling kind of hellacious ever since, as though a five days of waiting made it much worse. I feel pretty much like I've been napping most of the weekend and could easily go to bed really early tonight. I think some of my napping powers are acquired from hanging out with cats as a hobby since they are champion sleepers.

I finally got rid of my cable service. I hadn't really been watching it much in the last few months, mostly watching stuff online, and I got to a point where I wasn't even turning it on to have a background noise (welcome to the world of living alone, that is what we do here). I called in and went through a song and dance on the phone to get it terminated then I had to go in person to drop off the box. While I was talking to them, both on the phone and in person, it seemed as though they were offering me the same service I have had for years for about half of the price. Which pisses me off further with Comcast. Because all signs point to me having paid way too much for way too long. I resisted the temptation to try to renew. Not saying I'll never get cable again, but I don't foresee it anytime soon.

After I dropped off my cable box, I drove over to Supercuts. My last haircut which I did myself ended up being a little weird and disastrous, as there were some odd strands that were too long and didn't fit in with anything else. So, I got a haircut and not just a trim, but an actual hairstyle that looks pretty cute. They also do waxing, so I got my brows waxed as well. I used to go with Heather to a woman who was a professional waxer, and she did a really great thorough job, but even having this cheap wax at Supercuts made a huge difference. I'm going to make some effort to stay on top of that. I think the thing about being in a relationship for a while, I tend to slack on some of the grooming things and really only shave my legs once a month. But I realize it wouldn't be too tragic to look a little more put together.

Oh yeah, and right now, the sun is setting and it's still about 75 degrees. And late October. I love California weather.

Late

My period is four days late. After a day or two well, we can all see a day or two variation right, but four days. I look at everything as a sign. Oh I'm extra hungry, maybe I'm pregnant. Oh I feel tired all day, maybe I'm pregnant (and have been pregnant straight through the last few years of having to get up early every day and go to work, yeah. I'm on a mini-pill, have been for months, and I've had very regular periods on that. And I've just felt every day like I've been very close to getting my period (and some of that extra hungry was me laying in snacks for my period, saying, oh I'll have this chocolate chip cookie in preparation of my period). I feel sort of crampy and bloated (but the latter could very well be from those extra snacks, right?). But as the days have worn on, my very regular period has not arrived.

After work, I went to a drugstore I don't normally go to, paid cash (which I don't normally do), refused to use their special members card (which would identify me), and came home and pulled the test out. I read the instructions, which were basically "pee on the stick and see what happens in two minutes." So I pull down my pants, thinking there is no way I could go to the bathroom as nervous as I am, but sure enough my tiny bladder does not fail me and I manage to pee all over the stick for the full five seconds. I'm kind of too nervous to realize that the sound of my peeing doesn't sound quite right and am wondering why I'm starting to feel my hands get wet from the underside, maybe the toilet is backed up. Imagine my surprise when I stand up and I haven't even put the toilet lid up and have just peed all over the lid.

Instead of spending the two minutes waiting for the plus or minus sign to appear on the test, I am spending the two minutes cleaning up my own urine, wondering if it is really sterile (not like I'd drink it, but do I need to drag out bleach to clean everything) and how on earth I could have forgot to put the fucking lid up. And then I look at the test and it's negative. Negative. Negative! I'm sure there are plenty of women out there, women my age, who would be depressed to see that solitary minus sign in the window without the bar crossing it and turning it into a plus sign, but not me.

Still don't know why my freaking period hasn't arrived yet, but that seems somehow much more manageable without the thought of an unplanned pregnancy hanging over me.

Heels

Recently, I started making a move to wearing more dresses more often. I generally wear the same kind of "uniform" most days of jeans and shirts, or jeans and sweaters when it is cooler. I found a couple of cute dresses at the Lane Bryant outlet store, and have been wearing those, then I found another one a few weeks ago. I read something online about this woman who went for a year just wearing dresses, and managed to really work this for all seasons. Now, I couldn't tell from reading it where the woman lived and if that place had more of "four seasons" than Northern California does, but she seemed to make it work by adding cardigans and heavier tights. And if you click through, she had some really cute outfits there. And the last photo shows her with a bicycle. Dresses and a bicycle!

I found that the dresses idea works really well in the hot months, because it just feels far less burdensome than having pants and a shirt on. And I could easily wear a dress with Spanx on underneath (mostly to avoid my thighs rubbing together) and flip-flops and I was ready to go. I have wide feet that aren't really comfortable in a lot of shoes, but for some reason, flip-flops are super comfortable on my feet. Even cheap flip-flops. So it wasn't too hard to pick up a few pairs that match everything. But now I'm finding the days are getting cooler, and I went out and got some tights to wear under my dresses for more warmth. But you can't really wear flip-flops with tights, can you? I mean that is just weird, right? But the number of shoes that I have that actually go with dresses that aren't flip-flops is very small. As in two. Well two black ones anyway, I do have a pair that are golden colored, but those will look weird with black tights.

So I have two pairs of black shoes. One are flats that are only moderately comfortable, like, I could walk around work in them but I wouldn't do any serious walking in them. And the other pair is two inch heels. Which I'm wearing today. When the last time I wore these shoes, I do not know. I have had these for at least 10 years, and I remember wearing them frequently when I first got them. But they seem incredibly uncomfortable now. Perhaps because I'm older and far less tolerant of pain. And I'm going to a wedding this weekend (speaking of pain tolerance), and trying to decide which of my shoes to wear with my dress. I'm thinking it is going to be too cold to go without tights or hose of some sort, and that leaves me probably with these heels. Which I can probably kick off for dancing, if I really want to.

There's Always Facebook Status To Remind Me

Even though I never talk to him anymore, Seattle guy (SG) is still amongst my friends list on Facebook. Hell, I need all the Mafia members I can get. In all honesty, I have over 800 people as friends on there and most of them are not even people that I know. And with so many "friends," I end up with tons of status updates and all kinds of crap that I sift through, knowing that I'm missing out on a lot of things from the people whose status I actually want to read. But fixing up crap on FB isn't very high on my to-do list.

But I did notice the other day that SG and his girlfriend were driving down to Mendocino. And I thought, huh, how funny, he's in California. Then the next day, they were in San Francisco. And today, they were at the Winchester Mystery house, which is not far at all from where I reside. Are they stalking me? I had a weird dream last night that we (including C) all had dinner together, and SG was complaining about his girlfriend in some weird way, like he was trying to score points with me.

The dream made me think about some of my mindset about SG. He was really the first guy I kind of liked and could see myself dating after my ex, even though he did live far away. He was roughly in the same situation as me, that is, getting out of a long term relationship a year or two ago (in his case, a marriage) and we were both in the world of online dating, going out and meeting people who were weird or crazy or just totally incomprehensible. So, it was nice to talk to someone about something like that without a lot of pressure. And while I didn't necessarily feel like he was the guy I wanted to date, he was like the kind of guy I wanted to date, if that makes any sense. And right after we met, he started dating his current girlfriend and we stopped talking. Then a month or so later, I deleted him from my IM list.

So just because he's in my town, not like I expected him to call or anything. But it seems kinda funny, like I should show him around because he's here, because he showed me around Seattle, even though I'm sure he has no interest in my guided tour (which usually involves going to a lot of malls unless you are my dad in which case it involves going to a lot of supermarkets). But I did have all these weird feelings of some sort, then I started to think about them and break them down and realized they were just remnants from some time, almost two years ago, and not how I really feel today.

Porklips Now!

It's already Wednesday somehow. I went to work on Monday, felt okay, pushed myself through the day, had dinner with my friend Susannah at Olive Garden, came home and threw up. And I haven't felt right since then. I thought maybe it was too much pasta (damn you never ending pasta bowl) or something too rich, but usually you start feeling better once that is out of your system. I went into work for a few hours on Tuesday and just couldn't make through the day, so I came home and went to sleep, intending to come in today. Which I didn't.

There are things I like about being able to stay at home, like wearing pajamas all day, and hanging out with the cats, but for the most part, I just get bored. There have been times where I was so sick and could do nothing but sleep, and I didn't really notice it, but today I was starting to itch to get out of the house. I did manage to do two loads of laundry (yay) and went out to buy some groceries. This stomach bug hit at a bad time, grocery-wise, because I had very little left in my cupboards.

How exciting is my life that I'm looking forward to going back to work tomorrow? Well, I am mostly just looking forward to feeling well enough to be able to work all day. It's not that different from staying at home, other than dealing with stupid callers instead of cute cats, and I definitely can't wear pajamas all day.

Fighting It

I've been fighting a cold all week. I don't have a fever and I haven't eaten any pork in the last week, so I'm pretty sure it's not the swine flu. However, I have felt kind of out of it all week, starting with nausea and going onto achiness and tiredness. It doesn't help that my office feels vaguely like Siberia, despite numerous complaints to facilities and blocking the air vent off in my cubicle. Oh yeah and I keep noticing stuff like people sneezing without covering their mouths or not washing their hands when they go to the bathroom. Thanks, jerkwads!

Though despite this, I still am not getting a flu shot. I have talked to just about everyone I know about this subject, and some people swear by it and other people think it's bullshit, and both people seem to quote the same kind of logic of "I got it and it worked/didn't work for me," which is not really the sort of empirical proof that I would like to hear to push me in one direction or another. However, I did hear that Kaiser was doing free flu shots, but they happen to be tomorrow which is going to be a hectic day for me anyway as I'll be putting in some shelter time then heading down to C a bit earlier than usual, both because they are closing off a freeway exit near his house and also because we'll be having dinner with Kailyn who is vacationing nearish to where he lives.

Anyway, anyone have any thoughts on flu shots? Please share.